Authenticity. What does it actually mean to be an authentic human? For me, it means coming back to wholeness. Living out loud, courageously, unapologetically. Living and speaking your truth, unafraid of what others will think or say, or whether they understand or “get” you. When you do this, you energetically vibrate on a level that naturally attracts to you what is good for you, what will help you continue your journey of growth and evolution. It doesn’t mean you won’t feel the duality of this world; pleasure/pain, health/sickness, loss/gain, etc. But it absolutely does mean that you will always deal with the world from a place of acceptance, joy or enthusiasm. You will always surrender to “what is”, without question, without resistance, without hesitation. You are still, you are aware, you are present, you are awakened, you are conscious. You are flowing with life.
Unfortunately, many of us walk through life feeling internally fractured, or “broken”. We feel empty, lack clarity, feel hopeless. Or simply, something just doesn’t feel right, something about the current course we’re on feels “off”. We lost touch with our intuition, our internal compass, somewhere along the journey and we’re not sure when or why or how. We harbor a deep pain energy within us, that often lays dormant, and sometimes emerges and overtakes us. It consumes our bodies, our minds, or both. We know there are parts of us that feel missing, or suppressed, but we aren’t sure how to heal or even why we should. I mean, after all, “its a dog eat dog world”, right? We need our ego armor to protect us, right?
What ultimately happens to many of us, is the emotional pain and the ego armor creates enough suffering that we say “enough is enough!” And we explore other ways of being, of living, of feeling like our lives matter. And this is where the deep healing begins. The coming back to wholeness. The return to our intuition, our connection to our higher selves, that “knows” there is more to this journey of life than what the “normal” collective consciousness has made us believe that it is. This is the emergence of our authentic selves. A return to wholeness.
My personal journey to authenticity has been an exploration of the parts of myself that I suppressed from childhood. The parts I kept hidden because I felt like I had to, in order to survive and be seen and heard, and loved, in the family I was born into. I was born with gifts. I’m an HSP (highly sensitive person), an empath and a visionary. I perceived the world in a very different way than everyone around me and anytime I spoke about it, I was met with stares of confusion, and then was either dismissed or, sadly, made fun of. And ask any HSP how they felt as a kid about being made fun of, and I guarantee you all of them will say it felt like death. So, as many children do, I learned how to perform roles to get my needs met, and to be acknowledged and validated by my parents, siblings and caretakers. This meant tucking away the parts that weren’t accepted, and only outwardly show what would garner attention and approval.
And as life goes on, we either we forget about these “parts” altogether, or we keep them very secret, emerging only in safest of times with the safest of people. As a result, we walk through life feeling like something is missing, something is broken, something just. isn’t. right. And as we carry on day after day, year after year, we energetically and unconsciously vibrate on a level that is inauthentic to us and in many ways, stunts our growth. We attract people and situations over and over again that do not serve our highest good. Many of us still find ways to enjoy life at times; we travel, we have careers, we engage in friendships and romantic relationships, we marry and have children. But we just never feel whole. We never feel like we’re where we are meant to be. Sadly, many people turn to destructive behaviors, including substance and behavior addictions, to satisfy that feeling of emptiness, but it is only ever temporary. True healing starts from within. True healing begins with an acknowledgment that we are not at all responsible for what happened to us as children, but we are 100% responsible for our own healing. Our parents did the best the could based on the level of consciousness they were on at the time. Forgiveness is one of the first steps to moving beyond the limitations imposed upon us as children, and the fractures and suppression of the parts of ourselves that weren’t accepted or loved.
Being “different” as a child, I saw things that were happening around me (and to me) and I felt a deep compulsion to help, to heal, to change it for the better. But I was a child and was impotent to doing what inherent in me, what I knew I came here to do. Fortunately, I never lost touch with my gifts. I always knew they were there, but I kept them well hidden. And all the while, continued to perform roles that my family, husband and society expected of me. These patterns of playing roles in order to be seen, heard and loved, lasted well into adulthood, as they do for many. But as my motherhood journey unfolded, and the calling to serve and empower women grew louder, I began to connect more deeply to who I truly was, and I was finally living my truth; and what was once “broken” began to heal.
Healing and living authentically for me means following the path of truth, and using my gifts of being a visionary, empath and intuitive to serve and restore harmony, balance and healing to humanity and the Earth. I have always knowns I hold the gift of energy healing and of expanding the minds of others, of expanding consciousness. These are the gifts of the Medicine Women of the past. The Modern Day Medicine Woman holds these and many more, and she is what I lovingly call The Conscious Feminist.
What does living authentically mean to you? What gifts have you forgotten about or are holding back that you’d like to manifest into the world? Respond below or message me. I’d love to hear from you and chat.
Rollin’ into 2020 like…..
The first day of a new year & new decade. And… My first blog! Welcome! If you haven’t yet read my bio, I am a birth professional, hypnotherapist, a mother of two, and totally passionate about conscious parenting and living. I have been writing informally for most of my life and I’m very excited to finally begin putting my words out there for all to read. One of my most vivid memories of childhood is my 8th grade AP English teacher suggesting I consider a career in journalism, because, as she put it, “you have a flair for writing…”. So, as my intentions for this new season of my life unfold, my first manifestation is all about speaking and spreading my truth, and living authentically. Here goes…. :)
I’ve been on a long journey of awakening to my own truth. Finding courage to speak a truth your family, let alone the world, is not yet ready to hear, is really difficult. Especially if you are a HSP (highly sensitive person) like me. I always perceived the world differently than everyone around me, and could never understand why I either couldn’t be like everyone else, or why everyone else couldn’t understand me. I desired nothing more as a child than for my existence to be validated, for someone to truly listen, for someone who “got me”. As I’ve learned over my (nearly) 43 years, the power to live a full and happy life, actually lies within. Not through other people’s approval or understanding of you, but through your own self-worth, self-love, and ability to transcend the limitations placed upon you by family and society. I have always been a feminist, I am (and always have been) a “girl’s girl”, and I’ve viewed, for as longs I can remember, my purpose for being here as an agent for change in this world. I saw what limitations and expectations were placed upon me, simply because I was born female, at a very young age, and as you will learn over the course of my blog series, there are oh so many ways I’ve succumbed to, and ultimately triumphed over, the world and forces that didn’t want to see me strong, vocal, sentient, and especially not powerful. Though my mom often joked throughout my life, “I’ll never have to worry about Carrie”, because I was willing to call out injustice in my family, and when I saw it in the world, and as she put it “she’ll always make sure she gets her fair share of the pie”, the truth is, it wasn’t that linear for me. I had no mentors or role models growing up for how to be a fish swimming upstream, to stand strong and tall in a world that wanted me to lie down. I had only my own inner compass, a tenacity to follow my intuition, but also a lot of conditioning on how to play roles in order to navigate the world. In other words, I followed the dictates of my heart, but rarely revealed who I truly was along the way. I didn’t live authentically. I learned as a child how to be a certain way in order to be seen and heard. And having a mom with a big and vivacious personality, I learned how to be outgoing and charming, get noticed in ways that were not authentic to me; it was never who I truly was. I learned how to cautiously speak my truth, but never fully, and always conditional on my audience and circumstance. And I got by. And I’ve lived a lot of life. I’ve loved, traveled, lived abroad, married, had children. But it wasn’t until I had to really start facing my shadow self when I became a mother, that I finally started to chose me over what my husband, family and the world expected of me. I faced and nurtured my wounded inner child, I confronted my mother & father wounds, because I was determined to parent my kids in the way I needed as a child - gently, peacefully, consciously. And as I healed, my voice got louder, bolder, stronger. I confidently spoke about my truth without worry of offending or hurting someone’s feelings, and without, most importantly for me, worry of being rejected. I was becoming whole again, and living out loud, totally authentically.
And consequently, the more I healed, the more confident I grew as a birth professional. The more I healed, the more clearly I saw my life’s purpose as a feminist, as an “agent for change in this world”. A doula “mothers the mother” during childbirth. She lovingly guides the birthing woman to a place of inner knowing, an intuition at the very core of her being, that both knows how to birth her baby into the world, but also birth the mother that lies within. My life’s purpose is to help, heal and empower women. Through the journeys of birthing and parenting consciously, we shift the collective consciousness, and heal our world. A woman who gives birth intuitively, fully empowered, is a woman who can change the world.
So, as I look back on my own life journey, my awakening to my truth and the truth of the universe, I find a lot of wisdom that I am so ready to share with the world. Living consciously means living in the present, taking each moment as it is, free of ego and suffering, divinely guided, and showing up for myself, my children and the world unapologetically, totally authentically and with a heart full of love. No longer am I a fish swimming upstream fighting her way through a scary world that wants to silence her. I am a Conscious Feminist blazing a trail of love through a dark world that needs her light, and igniting the sleeping flames of the hearts of others along her way…..
Happy New Year, everyone!
“We’re all just walking each other home.”
~ Ram Dass