Rollin’ into 2020 like…..
The first day of a new year & new decade. And… My first blog! Welcome! If you haven’t yet read my bio, I am a birth professional, hypnotherapist, a mother of two, and totally passionate about conscious parenting and living. I have been writing informally for most of my life and I’m very excited to finally begin putting my words out there for all to read. One of my most vivid memories of childhood is my 8th grade AP English teacher suggesting I consider a career in journalism, because, as she put it, “you have a flair for writing…”. So, as my intentions for this new season of my life unfold, my first manifestation is all about speaking and spreading my truth, and living authentically. Here goes…. :)
I’ve been on a long journey of awakening to my own truth. Finding courage to speak a truth your family, let alone the world, is not yet ready to hear, is really difficult. Especially if you are a HSP (highly sensitive person) like me. I always perceived the world differently than everyone around me, and could never understand why I either couldn’t be like everyone else, or why everyone else couldn’t understand me. I desired nothing more as a child than for my existence to be validated, for someone to truly listen, for someone who “got me”. As I’ve learned over my (nearly) 43 years, the power to live a full and happy life, actually lies within. Not through other people’s approval or understanding of you, but through your own self-worth, self-love, and ability to transcend the limitations placed upon you by family and society. I have always been a feminist, I am (and always have been) a “girl’s girl”, and I’ve viewed, for as long as I can remember, my purpose for being here as an agent for change in this world. I saw what limitations and expectations were placed upon me, simply because I was born female, at a very young age, and as you will learn over the course of my blog series, there are oh so many ways I’ve succumbed to, and ultimately triumphed over, the world and forces that didn’t want to see me strong, vocal, sentient, and especially not powerful. Though my mom often joked throughout my life, “I’ll never have to worry about Carrie”, because I was willing to call out injustice in my family, and when I saw it in the world, and as she put it “she’ll always make sure she gets her fair share of the pie”, the truth is, it wasn’t that linear for me. I had no mentors or role models growing up for how to be a fish swimming upstream, to stand strong and tall in a world that wanted me to lie down. I had only my own inner compass, a tenacity to follow my intuition, but also a lot of conditioning on how to play roles in order to navigate the world. In other words, I followed the dictates of my heart, but rarely revealed who I truly was along the way. I didn’t live authentically. I learned as a child how to be a certain way in order to be seen and heard. And having a mom with a big and vivacious personality, I learned how to be outgoing and charming, get noticed in ways that were not authentic to me; it was never who I truly was. I learned how to cautiously speak my truth, but never fully, and always conditional on my audience and circumstance. And I got by. And I’ve lived a lot of life. I’ve loved, traveled, lived abroad, married, had children. But it wasn’t until I had to really start facing my shadow self when I became a mother, that I finally started to chose me over what my husband, family and the world expected of me. I faced and nurtured my wounded inner child, I confronted my mother & father wounds, because I was determined to parent my kids in the way I needed as a child - gently, peacefully, consciously. And as I healed, my voice got louder, bolder, stronger. I confidently spoke about my truth without worry of offending or hurting someone’s feelings, and without, most importantly for me, worry of being rejected. I was becoming whole again, and living out loud, totally authentically.
And consequently, the more I healed, the more confident I grew as a birth professional. The more I healed, the more clearly I saw my life’s purpose as a feminist, as an “agent for change in this world”. A doula “mothers the mother” during childbirth. She lovingly guides the birthing woman to a place of inner knowing, an intuition at the very core of her being, that both knows how to birth her baby into the world, but also birth the mother that lies within. My life’s purpose is to help, heal and empower women. Through the journeys of birthing and parenting consciously, we shift the collective consciousness, and heal our world. A woman who gives birth intuitively, fully empowered, is a woman who can change the world.
So, as I look back on my own life journey, my awakening to my truth and the truth of the universe, I find a lot of wisdom that I am so ready to share with the world. Living consciously means living in the present, taking each moment as it is, free of ego and suffering, divinely guided, and showing up for myself, my children and the world unapologetically, totally authentically and with a heart full of love. No longer am I a fish swimming upstream fighting her way through a scary world that wants to silence her. I am a Conscious Feminist blazing a trail of love through a dark world that needs her light, and igniting the sleeping flames of the hearts of others along her way…..
Happy New Year, everyone!
“We’re all just walking each other home.”
~ Ram Dass